It’s official: Sierra McCoy has the best taste in Riverdale because she’s ready to let the world know that hottie Tom Keller is her man! Put another way, the couple is getting married! But they don’t want a big wedding, so instead, they agree to let their overeager children throw them an afterparty — otherwise known as a reception — at Veronica’s speakeasy, and Kevin and Josie waste no time inviting people. Marcus Mason, however, makes it clear that he’s not too interested in attending the wedding. (Rumor has it he and Tom were close in high school and he had a crush on Sierra.)
Come to think of it, this entire episode was essentially sectioned into couples, so let’s follow suit, shall we?
Toni and Cheryl
After receiving her practically perfect SAT scores, Cheryl sets up her first (and only) college interview. Her dream is to attend High Smith College seeing as how it’s where all the women in her family have studied. But when her interviewer tells her that a board member has started a new initiative to diversify the student population outside members of the alumni families, Cheryl heads straight to talk to her mom. OF COURSE, Penelope was behind the new initiative, because apparently, her daughter isn’t good enough for the school. (So in case you were wondering how Penelope’s priorities lined up, it goes brothel then college then poison then her outfits then her daughter).
Cheryl then heads to school, where she runs into Kevin and finds out that Moose still hasn’t come out to his dad, so she decides to PUBLICLY OUT HIM as a “blind item” during the morning announcements. Naturally, Toni is pissed at her, so Cheryl puts a plan into action that will right all these wrongs. First up, she and Toni take pictures of the brothel’s clientele and threatens to ID them publicly, which would not be good for business. In exchange, Penelope lifts the initiative at High Smith, and because Cheryl’s obviously getting in, she gives up her interview time to Toni. Nothing’s going to separate these two. Not even college.
Next up, Cheryl apologizes to Moose before giving Toni the thing she’s been missing: A new family. (Read: A new gang.) Cheryl has gathered up a group of women, and they’re going to call themselves The Pretty Poisons because they’re pretty by day and poison by night. Get it? (Although perhaps Cheryl should rethink naming them after something her mother loves more than her own daughter…)
Moose and Kevin
Remember the whole Cheryl outing Moose thing? Well, it came about because Kevin wanted to take Moose as his date to his dad’s wedding “afterparty,” but Moose said no. And weirdly, Cheryl’s announcement seems to help Moose, because he ends up coming out to his dad and agreeing to be Kevin’s date. Actually, he doesn’t just agree to be his date. He agrees to put out!
Kevin and Moose agree to finally spend a night together, and Kevin decides the bunker is the perfect place for romance. WHY ANYONE THINKS THAT PLACE IS ROMANTIC IS INSANE. But thankfully, Cheryl at least advises Moose to bring some fresh sheets because, as she CORRECTLY puts it, “A lot of people have had sex on that cot.”
But Kevin and Moose’s romantic evening comes to a dramatic end when the Gargoyle Gang shows up. But before we get into that, let’s go back to another couple…
Tom and Sierra
Before Tom and Sierra tie the knot, they get an invitation from the Gargoyle King. He wants the Midnight Club to finish ascension night, so Tom and Sierra gather all the parents, and that’s where FP explains that Tall Boy wasn’t the REAL Gargoyle King. He was simply using the game as a cover to sell drugs, but he certainly wasn’t the one who set up the chalices back in the days of the Midnight Club.
Without any other option, the parents break into the school to finish ascension night, and in case you were wondering, Hiram getting shot means he now walks with a cane and in doing so has taken another step in his evolution to full-blown pimp. Once Penelope hands out a cyanide antidote to all the parents, they search the school for the chalices, but instead, all they find is a Gargoyle King skull covered in blood and note that says “Got you.” It seems ascension night was simply a way to distract the parents from their kids. (Although if the Gargoyle King knew anything about these parents, he’d know you don’t need to distract them. They never know what their kids are up to!)
And that brings us back to… (Next: Josie lands herself a man)