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Men With Beards And Long Hair Have The Smallest Testicles, Study Finds – UNILAD

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A lot of men in this world – even fantatsy worlds if you include Game of Thrones – have long hair and beards.

Think Jon Snow, Thor, Ragnar from Vikings.

Apparently though, if you’re a male who adorns such facial fuzz as well as some lucious long locks, it’s a sign you have smaller testicles. Don’t shoot the messenger.

Before you start comparing sizes with one another, I must tell you the finding comes from a study which looked at testicle sizes of more than 100 primate species – including humans –  according to the Daily Mail anyway.

The result? Apparently crotch nuggets vary dramatically among different animals.

In case you’re wondering, the smallest snow globes were the size of peppercorns, while the biggest pretty much had a diameter the same size of a tennis ball.

Researchers explain that poorly endowed males commit all their energy into attracting mates using beards and long hair and have none left to invest in their genitalia.

It’s said researchers chose to study primate testicle size because in different populations, it can vary widely.

Primatologist and study co-author Dr Cyril Grueter, from the University of Western Australia, said male primates live in highly competitive environments.

Dr Grueter continued primate testicle size varies enormously:

We found the same thing with ornamentation – some species sport flamboyant accoutrements such as beards, manes, capes and cheek flanges, and various shades of colour in their faces and fur.

Others are pretty drab and look more like your Mr Average. This finding clearly shows that you can be well-adorned or well-endowed, but it’s hard to be both.

One of the reasons, the researchers suspect, is that trying to do both just takes too much energy.

Dr Grueter explains all males are striving for the same thing – to have offspring of their own:

But not all of them can have what they want. So how do they succeed?

Well, next to simply fighting, they can produce so-called ‘badges of status’; showy ornaments that help their bearers control access to females by intimidating other males.

And if males cannot keep others off their females, they can win by producing a lot of sperm to swamp those from their rivals.

There you have it – don’t feel bad if you don’t compare to a silver back though!

If you have a story you want to tell send it to UNILAD via [email protected]


Anne-Marie Bojan

Anne-Marie Bojan

A sports enthusiast with a BA (Hons) in Sports Journalism, who can be found predominantly at Villa Park. Having completed a Masters in Broadcast Journalism, she then went on to work at Sky Sports, the BBC, and the Mirror. When not engrossed in sport, it’s animals, guitars, and Liam Gallagher which take main focus.

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